he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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