WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
