I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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