My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
