I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
