she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize