i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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