As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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