Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
