its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
