The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
