Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
