She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
