we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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