Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
