This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
