I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
