So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
