Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
look no pants
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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