My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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