I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
