NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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