conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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