Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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