i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
