Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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