how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
