Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
