I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
