I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
