If i come over, it means nothing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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