God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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