It's Friday. Sex?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
