I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
