If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
