from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
