I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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