I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
