I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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