I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How's work?
Spinning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize