Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
