He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
