So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We left an ass print on the piano.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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