hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
