So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
