I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish you could order shots online.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
