hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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