You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
