So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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