I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
