I'm gonna have a badass scar
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
