Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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