I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
