PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
