Me too!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
