i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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