they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
