All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
