I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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