Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
