good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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