She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
