I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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