i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
