We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
