Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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