I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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